Plautus' Epityra

Plautus' very funny comedy Miles Gloriosus begins with a soldier and his sidekick on stage. The soldier is bragging and the sidekick flatters him while at the same time telling the audience what a fool the soldier really is. The best line is when he says, "There is no one more full of empty boasts than this guy - but I love to eat his epityra!" See, cause this sidekick is a parasite, basically a professional dinner party attender who sucks up to people like this soldier for free food. What is this food that is worth the company of such a boor, you ask? Well, luckily for us, Cato has a recipe for it!

Cato's Epityra 

Suggested by Plautus

1 pound assorted olives

olive oil

red wine vinegar

mint

cilantro

cumin

1) Gather ingredients

2) Take the pits out of the olives and chop them up. To take pits out of olives, press an olive lightly under the flat of your knife until it bursts, so to speak. Please do not horrible slice your hand doing this. 

3) Now, add all the other ingredients! I would start with, say, 3 Tablespoons of oil and 1 Tablespoon of vinegar. In the summer I would use more vinegar and add some arugula! It would be delicious and summery. Add herbs and spices. Taste. Adjust. Delicious!

4) Make sure to stir everything up really well. I forgot to take a picture when it was all stirred up. 

5) Now eat with some bread. But be careful that your friends do not say that they cannot stand to hear you talk but they are willing to hang out with you just to eat your epityra!

Enjoy!